and the lonely voice of youth cries “what is truth?”

-Johnny Cash

Yes, I am one of those people who attempts to come up with lame alliterations to try to make a catchy blog-post title. I am also trying to lure you in with quotes by the man in black. However, this hacked-up attempt is horrific, so I may as well stick to what I know: rambling excessive amounts of half-baked thoughts and hope something coherent jumps out and permanently attaches to your heart, like a leech. A good, happy leech. I digress.

In Ephesians 1, Paul says the mystery of God’s will is to bring ALL things in heaven and earth together under Christ. I see the world today, and despite the madness, I see a glimpse of hope that that is exactly what is happening. I believe if we want to be after God’s heart, everything we do should be one step closer to this goal- bringing all things: all people groups, all religions, and all denominations under one head- Jesus.

God, I wish I was good at this.

Unfortunately, I am a selfish human being. It’s hard to see the world through others eyes. Our society doesn’t help. Unity seems sort of freaky and communistic sometimes. We are independent Americans! I  get so stuck in my own ideas, or my lack thereof.

Lately, in my fight to be open-minded, I cease to be open-minded towards those “religious Christians” who are not.  When I do this, the irony is, I am actually working to bring dissension instead of unity. Hypocritical, I know. It is easier for me to dismiss people who I judge as being judgmental. It is easier to be angry towards the church then the “sinners” The irony is, I am completely missing the point. God give me grace.

I grew up believing a lot of things about God that did not bring life. Fear and guilt-driven reality. Over the years, a lot of faulty my foundation in Christianity  has crumbled. I still feel like I am picking up the pieces.

But Jesus stands, in the midst of all the rubble.

I think I can see Him better, now.

My perception of truth has changed from simple pat answers to mystery of God becoming flesh- living, breathing, feeling, to free us from our sin and the law that condemned us.

Mystery is as risk. It’s less complicated to use “truth” to defend  your own agenda. Religion has done this for centuries- using scripture to defend slavery, oppression of women, all things we know now to be wrong. Why are so many people turned off to Christianity?

Maybe because we present truth as neatly packaged fact instead of  look into the eyes of Jesus.

HE is truth.

Are you still reading?

The Holy Spirit will guide us in all things. The letter of the law brings death, but the spirit brings life.

A few years ago, I had an encounter with a man on Venice Beach. Sounds scandalous, but it wasn’t like that. I was on a missions trip, wandering around asking people questions about what matters in life. I noticed a man dressed in white robs, with glasses and a mostly shaved head handing out literature. I was curious and went to talk to him. I asked him who he was and what he was doing. The first thing he did was look me in the eyes intensely and tell me he could tell I was a spiritual person. He was a young guy, probably my age, who left his Christian upbringing in Seattle to become a Hare Krishna monk. He told me how his church was dead and he knew he wanted something more- He wanted to dedicate His life to knowing God and serving him. As He talked, I saw God in him and what he was saying, and honestly, it shocked me. I could see how he was searching, how he has given up everything for this search. I asked him if I could pray for him, and he was so humble and full of joy. I prayed a simple prayer that Jesus that He would reveal himself as God. I walked away from that humbled and ashamed that I had pegged him as different or bad before I even talked to him.

"Divine appointment" with a man in a white robe

That certainly  shook up the religiosity I’d held on to for so long.

We come into Christianity, an awkward family with centuries of history  and baggage behind us. Good and bad, man has done things to build upon what started as twelve messy people rejected by society, whose lives were turned upside down by Jesus Christ defeating death, defeating religion, fulfilling the just requirements of the law that were impossible for us to fulfill. Now, in a day in age with disgusting amounts of knowledge built upon years of discovery, the world is crying for truth in its most simplistic form. They are crying for freedom from the bondage of the systems of our world: power struggle, greed, emptiness.

Systems that worship what man can achieve by working his way up to the top, stomping on whoever gets in the way.

Jesus defeated these systems by teaching radical things like: love your enemy, give everything you have, stop living for an agenda and an ideal, and live for a person- Him. Live for love and relationship.

There are children of God who are loving people, feeding the poor, speaking out for injustices, rallying people to do the same. What if they said something that you didn’t completely agree with? Would you go gossip and slander in the name of “Warning people not to go astray?” Sick. Yet, It’s easy for me to say this, but how quick am I to defend someone who is agrees with me on this, yet mock someone who claims to know everything is black and white?

We are so confused at what truth is, we make these famous Christian people into idols, and then when two idols don’t agree what is right and wrong, our world falls apart. We desperately want order so we try to control, try to put ourselves under teaching that neatly define God and life- it is an illusion, the control we want doesn’t exist.

One of my favorite authors, Donald Miller wrote an excellent blog post on personality types and the way people perceive truth, and how it effects the way they relate to God.

Don & I, just chillin a few summers ago. We're buddies.

It’s almost like God has given different people, different sides of infinite shape called truth- different glimpses of who He is. God loves diversity; he loves to express himself through personalities, cultures and people groups. So we each get these revelations, these puzzle pieces of God’s heart. His intention is for us to go to our neighbor and share this piece. To put two and two together and see a bigger picture of whom God is, and  fall in love with Him all the more.

Come together, right now over me.

-The Beatles (But I can pretend Jesus is singing it…)

The problem comes when our broken humanity comes in, and we hoard this puzzle piece make it a god. We believe it is our duty to make the rest of the world understand our puzzle piece, worship it, and leave everything to join the club we have started to better understand it. We shun people on the outside and say our way is the only way- truth directly received from God- we make Him into a doctrine, a statement of beliefs instead of an all-loving being trying to guide us to truth.  Our club is right, and everyone else is a wolf in lambs clothing.

Maybe if we really believed the Holy Spirit is what guides us in truth, we would stop worrying about people “leading people astray.” Maybe if we really knew God, we would know, as sheep we know his voice.

We wouldn’t be afraid to question our theology.

But on the flip-side, we also wouldn’t be afraid of those who are fine with not questioning their own.

Maybe if we understood the power of the Holy Spirit, we wouldn’t be so scared to dine with the worst of the sinners, in and out of the church.

We also wouldn’t be angry or intimated by the Pharisee of Pharisees.

We would understand one of life’s most painful lessons: people are people.

We would know following Jesus is messy and colorful; it is not rigid, neat, black and white. Maybe we need to stop spouting out our opinions about certain people and their ministries and books always trying to get people on our side, and begin doing everything we can to bring all sides together as one.

Maybe if we do this all in the name of Jesus, we will see love winning in the truest sense of the phrase.

I want to believe we can see the mystery of His will- to unite all people: pastors, porn stars, Hare Krishna monks, addicts, Southern Baptists, communists, and even…. “the emerging church.”

The only question left is, can we believe in a God big enough to do that?

This is not about abortion or politics. (insert sigh of relief here.)
This is about taking responsibility for my own actions, beyond that, my own feelings and thoughts. (ugh, even better.)

These are some of the most painful lessons, but every human being has to learn them during their time on this earth, and always  in the hardest possible way: experience.

There are no short-cuts.

I cannot read about these things or even listen to others stories. I must go through it.

No one can tell me the sky is darkest just before the dawn, I have to see it.

People can talk about the side-splitting pain that happens right before the birth of something new, something exquisitely beautiful, but until I go there I can’t fathom it.

It’s easier to be swept along by a flood, to be the victim, always, to allow things to hold us back. It’s popular even. It’s how our culture runs.

“This is what was done to me… now give me a pill for it.”

Sometimes, it’s really easy to do that in the name of “being spiritual.”

Because, I don’t determine my own life, because God is in control….. right?

This is an age-old debate, and I am sick of it being presented as if it was black and white. It’s a tricky balance, and our mortal minds can’t comprehend the things outside time and eternity.

Somehow, we are in the this awkward dance of our choices and God’s.

Like most truths, it is a paradox, it is multidimensional and it’s only in our human need to tear everything apart and analyze that we lose the beauty drenching this confusing mess.

I will say this: to believe “God is in control” does not mean to live like our choices don’t matter.

It doesn’t  mean sitting and waiting for some heavenly blueprints to unfold before me.

I can tell you right now: my life is what I make of it.
I  can choose death
or life.

Not just in extreme “life or death” scenarios.

It’s how I take one step closer to true life or let myself play with the things that side with death.

I am talking about the tiny things, the seemingly minuscule moments that add up to make the sum of my day, and ultimately my life.

Every moment I have a chance to chose the way I respond to situations- with my fickle, harrowing emotions
or to pick truth that transcends anything I feel.

(Which is a miracle in itself because I feel an awful lot. )

I watched The Adjustment Bureau recently. I saw it as an intensely spiritual film that was possibly meant to be a theological critique of sorts.

In the film, people’s day to day decisions were often controlled by these beings whose sole purpose was to make sure
the universe fitted into “the plan.” They got their orders from the one who creates these “flawless” arrangments- The Chairman.

This Chairman was obviously the god figure and was distant and cold, simply controlling creation from his platform above the rest of the earth.

Sadly, this is often humanities view of God.

You couldn’t help but cheer the heroes as they sought to run from The Chairman, escape and avoid the plan- break out of the system and choose something less scripted and more risky- love.

I used to believe in a chairman-god. I used to be paranoid about “The plan.” If I didn’t follow it, not only would I would miss out on this short life, but the fate of the world was at stake, after all I am WORLD CHANGER!!!!

(I wonder how many stomach ulcers and how much paranoia is created in following The Chairman. I wonder how many dreams are squelched in the name of religion.)

The problem, is that the entire concept is based around fear and control.

And love is not.

If this is “relationship and not religion” as we like to say, then just like any relationship, there is an element of risk.

Love is a risk.

We really don’t know how this is going to turn up.

We can only trust that “God being in control” means that somehow he touches and rearranges things in a way that reflects His goodness, His love, His grace.

He makes ugly things beautiful, dirty things clean, beauty out of ashes, adventure out of our own stupidity.

Choosing life means making day to day decisions based on all these things:
We get to choose forgiveness, radical grace, redemption. We get to see the beauty in any story.

We don’t have to be a victim, sit and wait for God or others to hand us life on a platter.

We can risk, jump into life fully.

And there is freedom, and there is grace. Even when I choose death, because I will, God is there turning things inside-out and upside-down, always.

And so,  on this plain old Monday I hope that you and I can will decide to walk in the realm of life and freedom, instead of control.

I hope that we believe how good or bad today is is up to us, because the reality is

we are surrounded by both ugliness and beauty,

and we will always find what we are looking for.

What we focus on, we ultimately become.

It’s a little sad when anti-sin messages heavily outweigh pro-Jesus messages in the church.

An “Anti” message will always be a weak shadow compared to a “Pro” message.

 

The old system under the law of Moses was only a shadow, a dim preview of the good things to come, not the good things themselves. The sacrifices under that system were repeated again and again, year after year, but they were never able to provide perfect cleansing for those who came to worship. If they could have provided perfect cleansing, the sacrifices would have stopped, for the worshipers would have been purified once for all time, and their feelings of guilt would have disappeared. (Heb. 10:1-2)

We are simply called to preach, the GOOD news.

Simply Jesus.

The blood of Jesus was enough. This is what makes Good Friday, good.

If we don’t acknowledge this and still pointlessly try and fulfill the law in our flesh, it’s like we are stuck in Thursday.

And there is no life there.

When Jesus died he said,

“It is finished.”

“It” not just being the process. “It” being everything in history starting from the fall in eden, up until that point.

The old system.

He killed death in that moment, but what else did He kill along with it?

Endlessly striving to “be holy.”

Condemnation.

Guilt.

Not feeling good enough.

The need to sacrifice in order to “appease” God.

We are dead to these things, in Christ. Freedom is already yours. Reach out and grab it.

Here is a poem I wrote awhile ago called “Bad Friday.” (Sorry to disappoint, it has nothing to do with Rebecca Black)

It illustrates how stupid it is to try to add to what Jesus already did.

(Sometimes, you just need a little sarcasm to illuminate the misconceptions and be free.)

Bad Friday

Let me drag you down from the cross
I am strong enough, i have built my strength
Let me dip this sponge in some old wine
and try to quench your thirst
I watched you give everything for me
and I flat out said I didn’t know you
So please, just let me make it up for you

I want to give you back the 30 shekels that was wasted
I will get revenge for you, don’t worry
you will receive the reward of your suffering

You must need me
You must want me
to put on a red cape and try to fly
You must expect so much of me
After all, you died

Your kids are dying and no ones rescuing
Your teens are sinning and no ones stopping
the filth is everywhere
I can smell it and it makes me sick
But I am yours
I am not like them
I better get up and work while there is still time

You must need me
You must want me
to pull out my light saber and fight
You must demand everything of me
After all, you died

We are running out of time
It’s their will be done,
on earth, as it is in hell

Wait, what’s that ripping sound?
Does anyone have a sewing kit?
I can fix the curtain in your house,
I can fix the world, I am sure of it

It’s burning and all’s I can see is the fire
So let me train and prepare for war
I thought you said you were enlisting me
Isn’t that what you whispered, before you took your last breath?
Or did I misinterpret?

“Keep your chin up as you untangle God from cold blood and bruises.” -Sleeping at Last, Careful Hands

I don’t know if any of you went to my site yesterday, but it didn’t exactly look like this. While I was at motorcycle class all day (which by the way, I passed with an A, amazingly enough!) my site was black and creepy with a picture of someones eye, random Arabic writing and a message in English saying I had been defaced by a Sudanese Islamic group. It just made me laugh to be honest.

I don’t know whether or not it was random or targeted. The same group  hit a lot of sites, including all the ones on the missions group server this blog is on.

The family that lives above me are Muslims from Pakistan. When I met them, one of the first things the husband, Mozam said was,

“I am a Muslim, but I like Christians.”

I told him I was a Christian, but I like Muslims.

I have heard many Christians who still think all Muslims are terrorists, and are afraid of or even hate them. But it seems to me that there are terrorists in “Christianity” as well. A terrorist is someone who uses threats of violence to manipulate people. It may not be always be as extreme as kidnappings and suicide bombers, but it’s the same root- using fear and manipulation to control people to do what you want them to do, often in the name of a higher power.

Last night I watched a 20/20 special on a sect called the Independent Fundamental Baptists. I watched it because my friend text me and said a church we knew from New Hampshire was being profiled for covering up rape of a minor and encouraging child abuse, among other things. (One of my favorite bloggers, Matthew Paul Turner of “Jesus Needs New PR” grew up in that cult wrote about it here.)

I didn’t know the pastor personally or anything, but I had heard of him. I passed his church every day on my way to my High School. Sadly, it wasn’t shocking: the story of the fifteen year old getting raped by a man in the church, taking the blame for it from the pastor, having to confess in front of the whole church for her “sin,” being isolated  and brainwashed, never reporting it until years later.

It is more common then shocking. What was uncommon, was this girl’s (now a woman) response to all this-

She still loves Jesus. She has not abandoned her faith.

What a brave thing, to choose to untangle God from the mess of broken people who claim to represent Him.

So many people can’t seem to unravel the ropes of religion that have been tied around them…It’s too much for one person.  How do you when your thinking is entrenched in the idea that if you loosen those chords, you will be lost, burning forever with the rest of the unchosen?

Motivating by fear and guilt works for a reason. If you can keep people controlled, especially in the name of the Almighty God, they will do whatever you want them to do.

I, like everyone, have had some untangling to do. Splits, accusations, scandal, sexual abuse, emotional manipulation, I’ve seen plenty of it, and have experienced more of it from the Church then “the real world.” It’s a miracle I still consider myself a Christian, really.

I am so thankful for the unending, undying, pursuing love of Jesus.
I am so thankful that while people use fear, guilt and condemnation to motivate, He uses love and grace.
I am so thankful for people in my life that showed me God is love, for honest friends, for leaders that have cared about me and not just what they can get from me.
I am so thankful for forgiveness and time, which heals all wounds.

Jesus used strong imagery when speaking up against people in religious authority who caused others to turn from a God that is love.

“On the other hand, if you give one of these simple, childlike believers a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you’ll soon wish you hadn’t. You’d be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck.” (Mark 9:42-MSG)

Ultimately, those responsible for tying the knots inevitably get caught up in them as well, and end up drowning in their own hate and indifference, all the while still disguised in pious religiosity.

It’s hard not to condemn people like that, but that would mean stooping to their level.

The beautiful thing about grace, is that is it fully offered to those who work so adamantly against it.

Acting in the Spirit of Jesus; love, truth and grace, means taking scissors and cutting those strangling bonds.

And so, my hope is that my words will always be like a thread or two cut, that they would begin to untangle this mess of mixed up doctrine, spiritual abuse, misconceptions and wrong definitions. I don’t claim to know much, but I do know God is love and Amazing Grace has set me free. I know that no matter where you are or how confused or angry you are because of what Christian terrorists have done to you, Jesus offers life to the fullest and He desires to bring you into a deep peace.

Another song by Sleeping at Last, Naive.
religion is a breeding ground
where the devil’s work is deeply found,
with teeth as sharp as cathedral spires,
slowly sinking in.